mommy monday - sweet serenity
The days i have the kids are, i admit, rather exhausting. Between Blake trying to climb everything he sees (i mean everything - the kid is the new spiderman) - including is changing table, the stove, chairs…you name it! to Porter CONSTANTLY talking or singing. I mean i do love that he has a an adorable way of creating songs out of everything, but all day long…ugh.
OK! Getting that all out - Mommy mondays are seriously so darn rewarding as well. It lets me reflect on the little people that my boys are becoming. Porter has such a way of expressing his love and thoughtfulness - i can't help feeling a bit proud of the work we have done with him. And Blake - well - he does the cutest things - he makes me laugh numerous times in a day. I need it too. He must know. Today - I found his head sitcking out - under Porter's bed. I mean really - i had a good chuckle at that.
By the end of the night - i am wiped. But…when it's time for bed - there is a kind of serenity that i cant seem to get enough of. That moment when Blake finishes his milk, and turns over to snuggle with his chunky turkey sized legs all curled up as close to me as possible. When he lifts his head up just a bit, giving me his "Blake face", and smooches me at least 5 times. Or when i sneak into Porter's room just as Daddy turns out the light after reading books, to be asked for a "Porter sandwich" - where we lay on each side of him - something we have done with him ever since he started sleeping in a big boy bed.
These boys…they wear me out….but they complete me.
Oh and daddy is pretty awesome too - the nightly head rubs i get are amazing - get one every night. Thanks husband.
{I found this somewhere - have had it for a long time and not sure where to credit it…but if your a mommy (and even if your not)- this may just well you up a bit…just a warning. It did me. }
To be a mom...
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all.
I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.
That she would give up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love someone who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with their child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I finally say.
Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
